Heaven knows - Rick Price

Someone up there has his funny way to putting the right song at the right time even though it seems so wrong anyhow.
The day has been as terrible as you can imagined and I just do not know what is stopping us from breaking off.
The lack of courage, the last hope for nothing but it is all resulting me only wanting to vanish to the atmosphere & not be seen.

I do not blame Jason for wanting to stay on even though I tried my best to bring the worst of me,wanting to harden my heart to let him leave. I don't wanna think he was in the way or like he said, taking up the space that I would like to have for something else.I don't have the right to think that, do I? Rather in the first place, there is no one or nothing that I would like to have to be in that 'space' as much as I would love to.

The irony scene is that we sat facing each other at Shaw McCafe, not speaking a word to each other but smses replaced. Words were perhaps more audible than it could have been.

My last sms ended like this and I am not afraid to show it to you guys.

"I just dunno if this could be true happiness for you and me. I would respect your decision...to hold on till things happen or hoping it won't anyhow. Love, Jason...is something that I always can't have from the one I have heart for and use that as an double edge sword for the ones whom gave it to me. I just hope you don't put up with me longer than you should. One day if you leave me, I know I hell deserve that. One day if I leave you, don't forgive."

You people don't think it is a recent problem,do you?

This always exists just that when nothing or noone rather 'triggers' it, it remained safe. Safe in hiding.

What's my problem?!What is fuck is wrong with me! I wish someone would just come up to me and give me a left-right slap.

Why am I always doing this to myself and why I am always doing this to those who love me? It didn't starts with Jason...Way before, I am already doing this.
You think I fucking enjoy this?! I am not those that happily go around causing misery without me feeling sad & guilty? What do I have in return?
I can't even have the one I like giving me what I want,not even close to it.

Why can people move on and REALLY moved? Why am I seemly moving on but realised the chain is still not released?

I know you are so sick reading all this,asking what the fuck is wrong with me?

Tell me.